Understanding
by Nic the Nefarious
Summary: Sirius wants desperately to understand his own feelings towards his best friend, but Remus isn't providing any answers. Slash One Shot


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter. I never have and I never will. Stop harassing me.

**Author's Note: **This story contains hints at slash (if you squint). If you have issues with that don't take it own on me. It's your own damn fault for clicking on a story with SLASH in the summary, dumbarse. Anyway, this story is also posted on hpfandom under the name Nic the Nefarious. Just a bit of Siri/Remmy angstyness, and yes, it is possible. There is a sequel already written which I will post in a few days as soon as I get the time. Please review!

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**Understanding**

The flames of the fire in the Gryffindor common room were burning low in the hearth by the time Remus Lupin heard a very familiar squeak coming from the bottom stair of the boy's dormitory. The sixth year continued to stare into the flames of the fire as if he had noticed anything at all, but inside he gave a bit of a sigh. In his lap there lay a book on advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts though he had forgotten about it hours ago.

Another squeak, but this one was closer to the chair he was seated in. It was one of the nice ones he and his friends always snagged before the younger years could get there. The ones right inside the glow of firelight. He sighed again, this time audibly and turned his head slightly to observe something just to his right.

The blank area where he was staring seemed to ripple and crumple in on itself and Remus crinkled his nose slightly. No matter how many times he had seen that happen he wouldn't be use to it. Soon the rippling disappeared and in its place was a black haired boy holding a cloak made of a strange shimmering material. Remus didn't act as if there was anything unusual about him just appearing out of thin air. All he did was tilt his head slightly in askance of the standard question.

"Something's wrong Moony." He stated in the blunt fashion Sirius Black had always favored. "I want to know what it is."

Remus sighed for a third time and leaned forward towards Sirius. He placed his chin on his hand and studied his longtime friend. Deja vu was sweeping over him as he remembered all the nights they had had this conversation before. Sirius still didn't get it, or he was too afraid to say. By now he was almost sure it was the second one.

"I can't tell you Padfoot. You know that." He said in a weary tone that said just how much he wished the Sirius would figure it out but left no room for argument. That was okay though, Sirius would find room. He always did.

"We're suppose to be _friends _Moony. Friends don't keep secrets." Sirius said in a pleading whisper that made Remus' heart melt. If only he knew just how much he wanted to tell him. "I thought you figured that out after second year." This part was added in such a low whisper Remus barely caught it and when he did he had to bite down on his tongue to keep from crying.

"You haven't asked James and Peter for help." Remus stated.

Sirius shook his head and sat down at the foot of Remus' chair like a puppy before his master. "No Moony. This is our problem. It's between us and us alone."

Remus licked his lips and turned away from Sirius' eyes to stare into the fire. "You're beginning to understand then." He stated in the same tones as before. It wasn't a question because he already knew the answer. Sirius would answer it anyway.

"I think so. I'm scared I might be wrong." Sirius replied. Even though Remus had turned away he could _feel _Sirius staring at him. "I'm scared I might be right." Hesitance had entered Sirius' voice.

Remus continued to stare into the flames of the fire and ignore the nervousness Sirius was showing. He knew what was going on in Sirius' head, it was the same thing had happened to him not too long ago. But Remus was use to being different and to him this was just one more thing that set him apart from others.

"I don't want to be the one to break up the Marauders, Padfoot." He stated in a dull, heart wrenching tone that brought an uncharacteristic frown onto Sirius' normally smiling face.

"Who's to say this would break up the Marauders?" He asked with false hope. Remus had felt like that too, once, but now he just wasn't able to think like that. He leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling.

"Prongs and Wormtail wouldn't understand Padfoot. You didn't understand until now." He explained carefully. He never wanted to say anything bad about his friends. He was closer to them than anyone, but sometimes things were best left unmentioned.

"I still don't understand." Sirius mumbled in a tone of childlike sullenness. He turned to Remus again and added in a plea. "But they accepted _you _Remus. Hell, they've, _we've _gone against the law for you."

"It's not the same Padfoot!" Remus cried in desperation. He had to make Sirius see to the truth of the matter. "Being a werewolf is something I have no control over!"

"And what? We have control over _this_! I didn't ask for this Moony!" Sirius called back in matching tones. He leapt to his feet and fixed Remus with a glare.

"In their eyes we do!" Remus said, his voice becoming tight.

Sirius continued to simmer in anger. "You can't decide who you're going to fall in love with."

Remus froze and stared up at his best friend in shock. His throat suddenly felt very dry and his heart had leaped into his throat. "Don't say things like that Padfoot." He mumbled, his voice cracking.

"I always speak my mind Moony." Sirius said firmly. Remus felt a smile coming onto his face. That was just so Sirius.

"You still don't understand." He said. His voice was caught between tears and humor.

"I won't ever understand Moony." Sirius said. He was still angry, Remus could tell from the tense way he carried himself, but it was hidden now. He knew that Sirius would eventually find something to channel that anger into, he always did.

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The End, for now. Thanks, for reading, please remember to review!

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